couple breakup
Couple breakup.
To start this topic, it is necessary to take into consideration that most people go through a depressive state during a love breakup, which is accompanied by pain that is caused by a process of closing a relationship, along with recognition and acceptance that the moment of disconnection has already arrived because there is no longer love.
In this process, it is very typical to persist in considering as an objective, to recover your partner, of course, if the bases with which any literary work or movie scripts on topics that touch heartbreak are reviewed , it seems that far from offering guidance on how to overcome or permanently free yourself from a stormy relationship, rather they support the idea of keeping an unhealthy relationship afloat, where you are immersed in constant stress and overwhelm.
It's known thatBeing in those difficult moments of uncertainty to know if you are going to be able to get out of this confusion and discouragement, is that it would be very beneficial to read the following paragraphs that as a psychologist and couples therapist I leave at your disposal:
First of all, it is important to be very aware of the pain you feel and not refuse to express it, in addition to understanding that even though it is hard for you to believe it, it will take time to overcome it, however, once that period of time has expired, you will be able to remember the person that has been loved so much without excessive sadness.
For any grieving process I insist that you must recognize that you are now very emotionally vulnerable, it will do you good to understand that your emotions are there for some reason that you should not hide or repress, but trusting that it is a process that must be taken not as something negative, but rather constructive, transformative and unrepeatable and that will give you the possibility of growing spiritually, to open your mind and help you answer what will become of you.
Undoubtedly later, in retrospect when some time has passed, you will see that this whole process of breaking up was not so pernicious, in addition to giving you the opportunity to discover many things about yourself that you did not even imagine existed before, but that generated tension and estrangement and that they not only had to do with you nothing else.
From what was mentioned in the previous paragraph, it is understood that when you are in a "break" condition or you are already hitting rock bottom, it is when a window opens that will direct you towards personal growth, you will have the opportunity to rethink your existence again, leaving behind emotional hooks of the past and trusting that with this, you are on the way to a new version that greatly exceeds how you were before, therefore, look to the future, do not think that what you lived will be repeated and remember that each experience, it becomes conscientious to avoid making the same mistakes.
The phases of the grieving process that you must go through and overcome healthily are described below:
Shock phase with denial and disbelief, that is to say, you do not believe that they are breaking up with you, you immediately think that it is a joke or joke and you continue with your life as if nothing had happened, coincidentally, at this juncture fear and anguish appear in the face of a possible loss, however, the mind he will always try to assimilate and accommodate himself to understand that situation with a psychic defense mechanism called denial.
Phase that is the frustration, is accompanied by anger and anger towards the person and towards yourself because they are leaving you, but also telling you that what is happening is not fair and there will be feelings of loneliness, abandonment and self-blame with an infinity of and “ if I had done” this or that, in which I failed or did wrong.
That anger that characterizes this phase does not have to be logical or valid, but care must be taken that, as it is a force, it is not advisable to stay in it, with this emotional anchors would be avoided that in the long run do not allow structuring the emptiness of that loss.
On the other hand, it is normal that your ex-partner has already become the bad guy in the movie and sometimes the intention of revenge or punishment usually appears, since you could experience the breakup as a personal attack. This is something that you should avoid thinking about and not doing anything that you later have to regret or be ashamed of for your actions.
negotiation phase, in which it is necessary to accept and respect your feelings in the face of the loss of your partner. Here zero contact with your ex-partner begins as a golden rule, in order to achieve your recovery from the damage that this relationship has left you, for this, you should not make the mistake of harassing or trying to do anything to recover something in which you have tried everything unsuccessfully, in this regard, it is suggested that from this moment on you definitely move away, so that your feelings of pain follow their natural course of letting that person go, not becoming prisoners of that experience by trying clinging to a possibility that he might come back, in the false belief that he will now realize how wonderful or wonderful you were. Likewise, do not resist a change by wanting to establish yourself in an ideal that the great love of your life has been lost and once and for all, think that you can no longer say or see him as your partner.
Phase of sadness and depressionThis happens when you have already understood that you have lost hope of recovering that person, you begin to be objective and realize that there is no turning back. During the depression that inevitably occurs, it is important not to get carried away by the habit and abuse of alcohol or other substances, since you need to be as lucid as possible to make decisions or realize what this experience taught you.
It is also natural that you may have alterations in sleep and eating that you should monitor and not allow them to be prolonged, so I suggest maintaining a routine of adequate rest and eating, in addition to occupying your mind with distractions. Also, do not try to make important decisions in this phase of mourning, since sadness can alter the perspective of situations, including that you feel tempted to rush into starting a new relationship without considering its convenience.
My advice is that you try to give yourself enough time so that the shadow of that duel that you have not yet completed, will accompany you in a new relationship. An additional recommendation is not to isolate yourself, this is a clear symptom of depression, in this case fight against that inclination, seek the support of friends and family who are objective with you and who do not judge you, but do not allow them to pressure you into your natural time of mourning, only in this way will you be able to talk about it openly and assume it calmly.
Serenity and acceptance phase, even if you do not feel in agreement with that loss of a loved one, if you will realize at this stage that you have overcome sadness, you will begin to relax and visualize a new future, you will definitely admit that the relationship is over and that it could not be , nor will it ever be, you will readapt by retaking your social contacts and many routines that you had neglected, you will be able to expose yourself to situations and places that you have been avoiding, you will have managed to accept your feelings allowing them to flow as a natural response to loss , you already find meaning in life, you feel at peace with yourself in addition to being prepared to continue, you no longer cling to any idea of returning to that person and you feel liberated and capable of rebuilding your life.
Lastly, I can assure you that our psyche will always be prepared to accept a couple breakup, the important thing is that the times of this process are respected and given the opportunity to accept the feelings that it includes.
The important thing here is that you realize what is happening during this grieving process, that you experience your feelings of anger, disappointment, depression and sadness, but that you let go of them, once you have firmly established yourself in a ultimate cure.
You can always start over, but it will not be achieved without first having spent time grieving.