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Self-esteem, goes beyond the feeling or personal opinion that we have of ourselves, it is a high level of self-awareness about the satisfactory appreciation that a person has of himself, it is also a powerful internal energy that inspires to proceed in the best way , together with a disposition to feel good about oneself in all senses and that includes: their physical appearance, intellectual value, affectivity, sociability, personality and how people perceive and appreciate them in this set of aspects.

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Likewise, self-esteem is seen as a dynamic and not a static condition, since we change and develop it throughout our lives, and undoubtedly, it is a fundamental additive for our personal growth.

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On the other hand, it has also been said that self-esteem is synonymous with that love we feel for ourselves. That is to say, it refers to the way in which we accept ourselves, what we think and feel about ourselves and how we agree with ourselves, either standing out with our best qualities, but also recognizing and accepting our worst defects because it is impossible for us to be perfect, however, it will always be necessary to have the will and intention to transform them during the process of personal growth.

In all the self-help literature, the existence of four important factors or pillars that make up Self-esteem has always been pointed out and these are:

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• The Self-concept: Attributed to what we specifically think of ourselves, it is also considered as a set of perceptions that include characteristics, attributes, qualities, defects, capacities, beliefs and limits that may be had.  

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If this self-concept is interpreted as positive, it would mean that we accept ourselves as we are and even the tendency to hurt ourselves emotionally would not have a place here, nor would we allow it to others. While, if that personal concept is negative, it would be very easy to notice it, because it is enough to create labels or criticize unmercifully without showing any empathy for ourselves.

 

This factor is particularly influenced by our interactions with the most important people who have made an appearance in our lives, with their criticism and extreme demands, in addition to discouraging us, neglecting or refusing to meet our emotional needs.

 

All of this unbalances or destroys our self-concept since our fears and insecurities, the way we deal with problems and even some of our failures and frustrations, have been induced by these figures of hierarchy and relevance.

 

• The Self-image: It concerns a mental representation that we have built of ourselves since childhood, as if it were a photograph and that very often resists a possible change. This factor manifests itself when we begin to question ourselves with a simple "I am" or "I am not", in addition to being responsible for the typical exclamation of: "I can" or "I cannot".

 

In this concept, it plays an important role to review the rigid criteria that are usually created about aesthetics and physical perfection, discovering what you like most about yourself, but also, without magnifying what you do not like about yourself.

 

On the other hand, it is relevant to point out that one aspect that destroys that self-image is the obsessive comparison made with other people. Of course, what you feel about that image is what you will always project to others, in the event that you do not like yourself, it means that there is something wrong with you, perhaps it is due to external demands on you , call them family, friends or those with whom you deal daily and who have subjected you to doubt due to their prejudices, making you believe that their opinion is the most important, but at the same time they are giving you a wrong value that you do not deserve. Here, it is possible to think that it is only you and nobody else who can evaluate, accept or reject that image that they try to impose on you.

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In any case, it is important to emphasize that if you do not build your own scale of values that directs the course of your actions, you will continue to advance blindly and use values that are not yours.

 

• Self-reinforcement: This happens when a person provides himself with a treat or reward following the performance of a desired behavior. That is, it would be specifically a recognition, praise or award to ourselves for the best of our actions.

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When someone is not capable of self-reinforcement, it makes them almost totally dependent on external approval. likewise, self-reinforcement makes it easier for us to create a positive concept that would make us aware of how we treat ourselves and what we say to ourselves on a daily basis p. For example, meeting periodically with people with whom we most enjoy being after a hard week of work, recognizing us for merit, giving us a compliment or a gift of something we like the most, perhaps, it could be a shirt, a suit or dress, a book, a pen, among others.

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This self-reinforcement increases our self-esteem and makes us feel very good and happy.

 

• Self-efficacy: It is particularly referred to the degree of confidence we have about our own ability to achieve desired results. In this sense, a close harmony between the knowledge we have of ourselves together with the results of our actions is necessary here. In other words, this would be related to those thoughts of doubt that, at a given moment, we could have about our abilities to achieve real goal proposals, but, always taking care not to exaggerate any insignificant defect that we have, in order to avoid affecting our purposes.

 

It is evident that these four factors of self-esteem are developed throughout our lives, strengthening the idea that we are a product of our upbringing at home and in our time at school, where without a doubt we have learned about of the feelings, opinions, sensations and attitudes that have been instilled in us and other times imposed. Perhaps for some this learning has been accompanied by happy experiences, but there will also be those who experienced it dramatically, either due to lack of affection, frequent rejection, emotional or physical abuse, family violence, traumatic events, abandonment or absence of important figures in their lives, by repeated destructive criticism at home, school or when socializing outside of these settings.

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Due to the aforementioned, it is very important to be attentive to identify those traces of the past that we sometimes prefer to ignore and justify, preventing us from seeing the current reality. This must be done, in order to review them in a timely manner and assess whether we are really recognizing our genuineness and loving ourselves as we would like and deserve.

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On the other hand, self-esteem can also allow us to be aware of what we would be failing in our self-esteem and this can be achieved through an internal dialogue that we generally have with ourselves. This is essential in the good relationship that we can have with others, but it would only be achieved if our mind is in a state of rest, happiness and away from negative thoughts that appear automatically.

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To achieve that state of relaxation and mental happiness, it is enough that we pay attention to the most recurrent types of thoughts that usually assail us throughout our day, only then can we realize how they have ended up defining our daily steps, in addition to creating the guidelines of our way of living and consequently get to model our self-esteem.

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On the other hand, daring to challenge and reeducate those thoughts with positive patterns would be the best way for them not to continue sabotaging us, nor directing our lives towards extremes that are not convenient for us, nor are we interested in going through.